Readers ask advice columnist how to handle resurfacing exes and rude guests

A woman in her late 30s wrote to the Dear Abby advice column stating that her husband cheated on her several times during the early years of their 20-year relationship. She described her current marriage as solid and noted that their two children are nearly grown. Despite moving past the past indiscretions, she reported that several former boyfriends have contacted her over the last 18 months. She said she removed herself from social media and job websites, but the men continued to find her.

The writer, identified as Wondering in the Northwest, said one specific ex-boyfriend occupies more time in her mind than she thinks is appropriate. She explained that they spoke by phone about a year ago but never met in person. After she told him to stop talking, he reached out again through a mutual friend. She expressed feeling like she missed out on dating opportunities because her husband had slept with many women while she had only ever been with him. In response, Abigail Van Buren advised the reader not to risk a stable relationship on hypothetical scenarios. Van Buren said the husband's old mistakes are not an excuse for new ones and suggested the reader block the ex and ask friends to stop sharing her number without permission. She recommended consulting a licensed couples counselor if the reader needs to rekindle passion with her husband.

A second letter from a couple in Arizona described an incident with longtime friends who were visiting their area. The hosts invited the friends to dinner and a stay, and the friends confirmed an afternoon arrival date and time one week in advance. Two hours before the scheduled arrival, the friends called to say they had a mix-up and were busy. They requested to push dinner back to 10:30 p.m. and spend the entire following day visiting instead. The hosts, who usually eat dinner earlier and have bedtime around 10 p.m., adapted by serving light appetizers and dessert when the guests arrived near 11 p.m. They retired at midnight after setting up the guest room.

The hosts reminded the visitors that they had to leave by 10 a.m. the next morning for a prior commitment. They offered to visit over coffee and pastries before then. The visitors said they preferred to sleep until almost noon and appeared unhappy that the hosts did not change their plans. The couple asked how the columnist would have handled the situation. Van Buren replied that she would have acted in the same way. She added that she would not agree to host that presumptuous couple again in the future.

The column is written under the name Abigail Van Buren. Jeanne Phillips wrote the column for nearly four decades. The column was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Readers may contact the column at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135 in Kansas City, Missouri.